Lullaby In Blue
by ktshdw
Summary: Janeway’s reaction to finding out she was pregnant and her family’s reaction to finding out she was pregnant.


LULLABY IN BLUE...[Part One]

Rated: PG

By: 

©2002

Summery: Takes place several years prior to "The Gift of Love." This is the actual pregnancy of Haley Nicole. Janeway's reaction to finding out she was pregnant and her family's reaction to finding out she was pregnant.

Author's Note: I must thank my sister Kellie, who gave me the idea to write the stories I write and Bette Midler for singing such a beautiful song. If you are interested it can be found on "Bathhouse Betty" compact disc or cassette. Feedback is much appreciated.

The sun stretched its weary arms across Lieutenant Janeway's quilt on her bed. She moaned and drew the covers over her head, she still couldn't believe that her father as well as Justin would never be in her life again. That stupid accident, Janeway stilled blamed herself for the death of the two most important men in her life. Yet somehow she could sense their presence watching out for her and making sure she doesn't falls into the depression she is best known for. It has only been a few weeks since the funerals but it seemed like it was only yesterday she and Mark were professing their love for one another in the most intimate way. How Kathryn longed for his arms wrapping safely around her. Her father telling her that no matter what he thought he knew that she truly love Justin and Justin would be the perfect husband for his eldest daughter. A stomping of footsteps coming up the stairs catches Janeway's attention, it was Pheobe how she hated when Pheobe came to wake her it was always followed by a scream telling her sister to "Get the hell out of bed" but Janeway has never been out of bed, only to shower. But this time Pheobe had a plan that was sure to bring Janeway out of her curse. Pheobe opens her sister's bedroom door.

"Kathryn get the hell out of bed. Your breakfast is getting cold. I have told you everyday in the last three months to come down. Today I won't take no for an answer, if you are not out of bed and dressed in the next five minutes I will make sure that you do."

"Pheobe go away I'm not hungry. Why can't you just leave me alone, I want to be alone."

Pheobe walks into Janeway's bathroom connected to her room and draws a bucket of prepared cold water and throws in on Janeway. Janeway just out of bed in a start she is furious with her sister.

"How dare you do that to me Pheobe, I would get out of bed eventually you shouldn't have done that. I told you before I wasn't hungry and I wanted to be left alone. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"You have been laying around in that bed for three months. You have to go back to the academy next week and haven't even registered for any of your classes. Daddy would never have left you lay around in bed. If he were here..."

Janeway interrupts her sister with a huff of anger.

"But daddy isn't here right now. Do I need to spell it to you why he won't be here? Pheobe, and he will never be. I don't even want to go back to the academy. I just want left alone, it's my fault he isn't here with me, it's my fault he won't see me graduate from the academy, he won't be here to congratulate me on getting my first ship transfer as a lieutenant. All because of me."

"You must stop blaming yourself Kathryn, you know that it was just an accident. You did not cause the death of our father, and you did not cause the death of Justin. Sometimes things just happen."

"If it were just and "accident" than why didn't I drown in that ice with daddy, with Justin. I want to be with them I am not needed here anymore. Without daddy, there is nothing for me to live for."

"You are wrong Kathryn. Mama needs you, I need you. Mama couldn't bare it if you had died with daddy and Justin. As long as she has us she can hold on. Now, I am going downstairs to eat breakfast, please come down and eat with us. We only have each other now. If you won't do it for me, do it for mama. Please"

Pheobe exits her room leaving Janeway alone with the sun beating on her covers. Maybe she was right, maybe the only way to heal is to spend some time with her family. Janeway sighs and pulls out a green dress from her closet. Closing the door behind her Janeway walks down the stairs and sit at the table to share a meal with her family the first time in three months.

"Kathryn, my baby, I am so glad you are feeling better. Please come take a seat I made your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes. They just came off the sauce pan."

Janeway smiles, chocolate chip pancakes are her favorite but something didn't make her want to eat it. She wasn't sure if it was the depression of if she was coming down with something. Janeway pushes around he food on the plate and take only a few small bites. Her mother is concerned briefly but concludes that she still didn't have the appetite she used to have before the accident.

Later that morning after completing dishes Janeway goes back upstairs to begin to pack. Curiously she wonders what the date was. If she returns to the academy next week that means its August. Daddy and Justin died in May, its been three months, not three weeks. She was so depressed she didn't keep track of anything. Now she stands before the mirror, could she be pregnant? That would just screw up her entire life before her eyes. Justin and her were to marry next year so of corse they were intimately involved but they had always practice birth control. What had gone wrong? She had a mild case of a respiratory infection and was put on Penicillin. That must have been when it happen the night before he died.

"Oh my God, what is mama going to say about this news?"

Later that evening Janeway pulls down her oversized shirt and walks into her mother's room. Gretchen was reading a novel and looked up at her daughter. Janeway was extremely nervous and Gretchen could tell something was wrong with her daughter.

"Hello honey, what's the matter. It looks like something is on your mind?"

"Not really just wanted to ask you some questions. Do you mind?"

"Of course I don't mind. Come on sit down next to me on the bed. It has been a long time since we had one of mother/daughter chats haven't we?"

Janeway smiles and walks over to her mother's bed. Gretchen puts down her book and takes Janeway into her arms. Janeway lays her head down on her mother's shoulder.

"So Kathryn what did you want to talk about. I hope you are feeling a lot better than you have in the past few months. I know how hard it was for you when your father passed away. But you must understand that he is always watching over us. So he knows everything you've done."

"Well I hope he doesn't watch me all the time. It would be rather embarrassing for some of the things I've done. Which is why I came here to talk to you. What was it like when you and daddy were married, I mean before I was born."

"Your father was the sweetest man I had ever met. One day I went to Starfleet to spend some time with my girlfriends. That is where I met your father. He was standing outside of the main building probably boasting on some science project he had just completed. I was walking by with my best friend and he caught my eye. He was so handsome I could hardly breathe. I think that he noticed that because he had the same reaction. Suddenly he came up to me and introduced himself. My heart was melting as he touched my hand. My friend was giggling behind me as we just stood and looked into each other's eye it must have lasted thirty seconds. I finally introduced myself and he smile and said, "It was nice to meet such a beautiful woman, hope to see you again soon." Than he left but not without glancing in my direction before he returned to his friends. I new right there that he was the man I was going to marry."

Janeway smiled at the tale. It reminded her of the way she felt when she first met Justin at a tennis match. It was to bad that he couldn't share in the joy of her pregnancy. But she knew that Justin was looking over her with her father right next to him probably still giving the third degree in heaven.

"So how did you tell him that you were pregnant with me. Was he surprised or happy?"

Gretchen was a little shocked at her daughter's question but was concerned of what brought up that question. But she went on and answered her question as if nothing was wrong.

"Well we wanted a baby for a long time but your father was away so much I wasn't sure if we would ever get pregnant. But when he was home we made up for the time that he missed. That is when you came along. Your father was taking final exams when I found out so I came to Starfleet Academy to tell him the news. He was so thrilled. From that day on he insisted that you were a girl and that you and he would have a very special bond. He was right, as you grew older you and he spent most of his spare time together. He was telling you all about the universe while you were still in diapers. Even then I could tell that you inherited his love of the universe."

"Mom if I tell you something do you promise that you won't go nuts it is going to change everything from now on."

With that Gretchen was beginning to get frightened. Kathryn never came to her about anything unless it would affect the entire family.

"Sure Kathryn, whatever it is you must understand that no matter what you are first and foremost my daughter and I love you for who you are not what may have happened."

Janeway sits up on her mother's bed and takes a deep breathe.

"Mom, you know how much Justin and I loved each other right? You also know that we were to be married right after the accident but he didn't come home."

"Kathryn you are starting to scare me what did he do to you. What happened to you?"

"Mom relax, nothing happened, well nothing bad at least. I just wanted you to know that we were careful but I was given medication so that kinda wasn't very smart."

"Would you just tell me before I get really scared?"

"Mom, I think I am going to have a baby."

Gretchen gasp as Janeway bows her head in disappointment she felt so ashamed. But Gretchen took her daughter's chin in her fingers and lifted Janeway's head and smiled. She was not ashamed of her daughter she was proud of her daughter.

"Have you been to the Doctor yet honey?"

"No, I was hoping that you could come with me. Do you mind I would like my mother to come with me."

Gretchen smiles, and nods her head as Janeway smiles back. Gretchen brought Janeway's head down to her shoulder again, just as she did when she was little, somehow Janeway felt better knowing that she didn't disappoint her mother. Together Janeway and Gretchen closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Viewing from afar a elderly man and a young man smile at the sight. Gretchen was right Justin and Edward were watching over the women they fell in love with. The men smile at each other and fade into a mist. As the men move on into the gates of heaven a gentle breeze awakens Gretchen as she smiles...

"Edward I know that you wouldn't let your family down."

Six months later...

Janeway is now almost six months pregnant. Janeway didn't return to the academy like she wanted to. The doctor said that because of her medical condition [depression] she was to stay home. She could still get lessons but the teacher's had to come to her. In the last six months Janeway has "experienced" Justin's arms around her every time she felt a little down. She knows that Justin was with her every moment of her pregnancy now she only had two weeks left until she would finally see their daughter.

Suddenly something that felt like a cramp pulled at Janeway's abdomen.

"Could this be it, it can't be I still have two weeks to go and the last time I went to the doctor the baby didn't move into the correct position."

Janeway climb awkwardly out of her bed and creep into her mother's bedroom. Gretchen was still awake reading yet another book. She looked up as she heard her daughter's footsteps.

"What is it dear? Is the baby keeping you up?"

"I'm not sure but I think I am having contractions."

Gretchen places her book down and turns to her daughter.

"How do you feel?"

"Some cramping very irregular though maybe its false labor."

"Probably not, we had better get you to the hospital just in case. Now go and get dressed and your bag and I will be downstairs in a few minutes."

Gretchen was true to her word and she was down in just a few minutes. Grabbing Janeway's overnight bag and exit the house.

The next day Janeway is sleeping in her bed she is no longer pregnant and Gretchen is holding a new baby girl in her arms. Janeway opens her eyes and smiles.

"She is beautiful isn't she mama? She looks just like me well except she is very stubborn like her daddy. I wish he were here."

"I'm sure he was here the entire time you were in labor, as well as your daddy. They would have been so proud."

Janeway slowly positions herself up as Gretchen brings over her daughter still tender from the birth Janeway gasps quietly. Gretchen places the baby into her arms. Janeway smiles as tears form from the base or her eyes. She only had a few minutes before the nurse would take her to her new home. It was a difficult decision but Janeway knew that she couldn't comfort her cries.

"You should name her honey, she is your daughter. Have you come up with a name yet or are you going to let the parents name her?"

"It took a long time but I decided on Haley Nicole. Oh ma, she is so beautiful, I know how you felt when I was born. Thanks for being here with me."

"Anything for you honey. I love you and am very proud of you."

Janeway smiles up at her mother and strokes her daughter's cheek in response she makes a noise.

"I'm going to miss her, I promise you Haley I will come to find you again. Just right now I am not ready to be a parent."

Gretchen smiles at her daughter and granddaughter. A perfect family, she knew that Justin is proud and still loves Kathryn as he once did. She also knows that Justin has seen his daughter and will keep an eye on her...and her daughter.

-TBC [Part Two]


End file.
